The Current Crave

Okay. So last night I was starving. A few different foods went through my mind and I wanted to eat all of them. Most of them unhealthy.

For instance, I really, really want to try the W burger from Wendy's. I know it's bad for me. I know it will probably make me feel awful. Like a lead ball in my stomach and knives in my sides (aka kidneys and gallbladder) and a general greasy groggy feeling. But while I am eating it I bet it will be delicious. 

No, I did not convince or even try to convince Hubby to Be to zip by a drive through on our way home at 9:30 at night. I had more willpower than that.

Another Crave I had was rice pudding. I haven't had it in ages and it wasn't ever a childhood favorite. In fact I don't think I ever had it more than once or maybe twice as a kid. It was, however, a university staple. In little plastic cups with a sprinkle of cinnamon on the top. It was a half cup of heaven eaten with a plastic spoon after class with friends.

I knew there was leftover rice in the fridge from a few days ago. I also knew that rice pudding was NOT part of the approved diet, which I have been failing to follow to a T lately. Which probably explains the ridiculous cravings. But it was nearing 10 and I really didn't want to be crazy and lose sleep just to make and eat rice pudding.  So I had other snacks instead, and went to bed still craving rice pudding.

Guess what's for breakfast? That's rice. Pun fully intended. I knew I had to make it a little bit healthier than a typical rice pudding in order to begin to justify my desert-for-breakfast desires. So this is what I made:

Fat Free Maple Vanilla Rice Pudding 

Ingredients

• 2 cups leftover rice (brown or white, doesn't matter)
• 2 1/2 cups Fat Free milk (I used fat free evaporated canned milk for it's creamy qualities)
• 1/4 cup maple syrup
• 1 vanilla bean (or 1 tsp vanilla extract)
• 1/4 tsp cinnamon
• dash nutmeg
• dash salt 

Preparation

1. Combine rice, milk and maple syrup in a sauce pan over medium high heat.

 2. Using a  sharp knife, slice open the vanilla bean. Open the seam and flatten with your knife. Run the knife along the bean pod, scraping out the sticky black seeds. Add these and the bean pod the pan. Add cinnamon, nutmeg and salt.

It's totally okay that it looks like the lid came off the pepper shaker. These are lovely vanilla bits.

3. Bring just to a boil, then reduce heat and simmer, stirring frequently until most of the liquid had absorbed and mixture becomes thick and creamy.

Getting closer!

 


The mixture will get thicker.... and creamier....

It's almost there!

 And start making lovely slopping plopping noises when you stir it.....





And it will smell fantastically amazing....





 4. It will cook for 35- 45 minutes by the time it's done. Some people like a thinner pudding and some people like a thicker one. My test for perfection is that I can drag a wooden spoon across the bottom of the pan and see the metal for a quick second before the pudding gloops back around the spoon and covers the bottom again.

Like This.... 

                                                          And This....







5. Now comes the trickiest part. You have to let it cool for about 10 minutes. Why? A) so you don't burn yourself when you dig in, and B) to let the starches set up a little bit and get even thicker and creamier.

A half cup serving of this rice pudding is pretty much fat free and quite low on the sugar scale. It will count as one dairy serving and one starch serving if you are on the 17 day diet or any other plan that counts carbs and dairy servings. But it is a delicious treat that you don't have to feel completely horrible about eating. It is rich and decadent and I can't really eat much more than the half cup anyway, because it's too much for my tummy to have all that richness at once.

Happy Cooking! And Eating!

When People Get You Down -or- You Will Get BOUNCED

What do you do when someone's comments intentionally or otherwise bring you down? Blows to my self confidence are just that- blows. They can be devastating. And forget all that crap about being strong and knowing that words can't hurt you and it's no big deal because you know you are awesome and blah blah blah. We all know mean words do hurt, and even if we do stand up for ourselves and act like it's no big deal, those words are like an axe, chopping away at our self image and confidence until we are teetering on the edge of complete collapse. WHY!? Why do I care so much? Why do other peoples words somehow reflect how I should see myself?

If I thought I was beautiful this morning when I woke up and some jerk-face says otherwise, why do I question myself? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and obviously that jerk has a perception of me that differs from how I saw myself this morning. His perception should not effect my own, but when that perception is verbalized or made physical and tangible by his reaction, it does effect me. First I get angry and then indignant. I might try to defend myself but really what's the point of fighting or arguing over it. It really only leads to me taking in those comments, saying they don't matter, and then dwelling on them. Repeating them over and over and remembering the shame I felt because someone reacted negatively to me.

But I should NOT be ashamed. That Jerk Face should be ashamed of their behavior. I did nothing wrong. I am who I am and I am trying my best to be healthy and beautiful. I am trying to love myself the way I need to. I don't need to be accepted or loved by every one, but something in our society has deemed it important to be accepted. So when some jerk reminds you that you are fat or need to lose more weight, or says something to make you uncomfortable about your size or appearance, it can be internalized to mean that you aren't being accepted, that you don't fit in, that you are doing something wrong, and that if others don't love you why should you love yourself. You question yourself.

Maybe I have a weak self esteem. Hell, I KNOW I have a weak self esteem. But I have spent a lot of years building myself up and it's not so bad. But stupid comments still have an effect. I wonder if they have an effect on everyone? Some people must be less susceptible, or do they just hide it better?

Why I am I thinking about this? Because I had a conversation over the weekend with someone who made it painfully clear that I wasn't (or shouldn't be) done losing weight yet. I was asked, for the hundredth time, what I was feeding my fiance, because he was getting so big. And I defensively replied that Mr. Fiance had actually been losing weight because we both have been eating a lot healthier. He now needs a belt for his pants. I also explained that I had lost THIRTY ONE, yes 31 pounds in the past 3 months and if he was gaining any weight it was not my fault, but maybe caused by the half a big bag of potato chips, cans of pop, chocolate bars, and ice cream that he eats ALL ON HIS BIG BOY OWN.

Of course, there was no comment that it was fantastic or even a little bit good that I had lost 31 pounds despite this person REPEATEDLY (as in every time we see each other) commented on my weight and size. There was just a question "are you going to lose more weight? are you trying to be lovely and slender like 'so-and-so' for your wedding?" 

Well, I hate to tell you lady, but I AM LOVELY. And yes, I plan to be lovely on my wedding day. I plan to be down right bleeping GLAMOROUS, GORGEOUS, SEXY, FABULOUS, VIVACIOUS, CURVY, and a million other words for looking great on my wedding day. Not that I don't look good on any other day, thank you very much! Do I plan to look 'slender like so and so'? BAHAHAHA NO. Let me tell you why. So and so is much younger, a size 4 bean pole and a foot shorter than me. She has smaller hands, feet, head, smaller EVERYTHING, including bones. So me and my 6 foot 1inch, size 12 wide foot, voluptuous self will NOT look like her on my wedding day. I will look like ME and I will be STUNNING.

P.S.- If you comment negatively about my weight on my wedding day or [try to] make me feel like crap about myself for ANY reason, you will get bounced.  ;)

Comfort Food for Sad or Crappy Days

Okay, so lets set the scene. I injured myself playing badminton last night and didn't sleep well from the pain and the most random weird dreams (we're talking vivid... VIVID childbirthing dreams, someone trying to kill me, and being in a sporting goods store getting attacked by really heavy soccer balls that explode). Now let me assure you that this post does NOT end with me being a candidate for the "I didn't know I was pregnant" TV show. 

I wake up this morning and I am mostly okay. In some pain and having some muscle spasms from the injury. But I step on the scale and I am still holding down the fort at 31 pounds lighter than I was 3 months ago. Hooray!

I was out trying to do some Christmas shopping. I wanted to get one awesome 'big' gift for my hubby to be and pick up some stuff for another gift. But the world weighed down on my shoulders. Life, money, work, health, wanting to help in so many ways and wanting desperately to show people I care by giving them amazing and thoughtful gifts. I broke down on my way out of the second store. Consumerism has swallowed up the experience of giving at Christmas.

Its great and heartwarming and not at all selfless to want to make someone's Christmas special, but I have realized how hard it is when our society tells us that those feelings must be, should be or can only be bought with money. There is a conflict inside my head. Part of me knows that there is so much more to this world than monetary value, but there is also a learned understanding that money is important and says something about a person's status and is somehow linked to happiness. 

I wanted to run back to the first store and cancel my order. But something inside of me said "what else is there? what else can you give him? what will fill the void left by the lack of this gift?" And I couldn't come up with anything. So, feeling the pressure of materialism and wanting something more than what I had to put underneath the Christmas tree, I didn't go back to the store.

I just sat in my car and cried for a while. Until I realized that some people were ungraciously gawking at my hyper-emotional private sadness. Then I put my sunglasses on and cried some more and sniffled and snorted until I was calm enough to drive to the grocery store. As an emotional eater in such a state as I was, and not having had lunch yet (at 2 pm), this was probably not the best idea. I had a small list of things to get but I also decided to treat myself with random things along my way through the aisles.

This is what I bought (that wasn't on my grocery list):

• Chocolate Covered Oreo Cookies- which I considered coating in a sweet batter and deep frying, but didn't. Yet :)
  
• Herb and Garlic Cheese Ball- for a more sophisticated cheese and crackers. Crackers always settle things when I'm sick,  so cheese and crackers just seemed like a comforting idea.
  
• Liberte Mediterranee Lemon Yogurt- not that I need to explain this one, but it's rich, and smooth, and sweet, and tart, and just so good. It's a way better alternative to eating ice cream straight from the tub.
  
• Regular Kraft Singles Cheese Slices- we have been trying the fat free ones, but they are just so far from cheese they barely melt and don't taste like much of anything, so this will be a real treat on my breakfast sandwich this weekend.

And then there was supper. I had planned on having Turkey Lasagna to use up the last of the Turkeyzilla leftovers. I hadn't had it for a long time but I looked at my old recipe and decided it needed some updating. This is what I came up with.

Turkey Alfresagna

Ingredients 

• 1 onion, chopped
• 1 clove minced garlic
• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 2 cups cooked and chopped turkey
• 1 cup cooked chopped broccoli
• 1/2 cup cooked chopped spinach or frozen spinach, thawed
• 1 jar prepared Alfredo sauce (I used Compliments brand because it was cheapest)
• 1 cup ricotta cheese
• 1 egg
• 1/4 tsp ground nutmeg 
• salt
• pepper
• 1 (16 ounce/about 400 g or 1lb) package fresh lasagna noodles
• 2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese

Preparation

1. Preheat oven to 350° F. In a large skillet over medium heat saute the chopped onions and garlic in oil until soft and tender and just beginning to brown. Add chopped turkey, spinach and broccoli. Saute for 2 more minutes before adding nutmeg. Season with salt and pepper. Set aside.
   
   
2. In a medium sized mixing bowl combine jar of alfredo sauce, ricotta and the egg. Whisk or mix until well combined. Season with 1/4 tsp salt and 1/2 tsp pepper. 
   
   
3. Spray the bottom of an 8x8 inch casserole dish with non stick cooking spray, or rub with olive oil. To assemble, in the bottom of a casserole dish place 1/4 of the alfredo ricotta mixture, then a layer of noodles. Next, place a layer of  1/3 of the turkey vegetable mixture, followed by  1/4 of the alfredo ricotta mixture, and then 1/2 cup of the shredded mozzarella cheese. Repeat layering process with turkey mixture, alfredo mixture and cheese.When you run out of turkey mixture you should still have 1/4 of the alfredo ricotta mixture and some fresh lasagna sheets left. Create top layer of lasagna using noodles, alfredo mixture and remaining 1/2 cup of mozzarella cheese.
   
4. Using a tea pot or a measuring cup with a spout, pour 2-3 Tbs of water in each corner of the casserole dish and letting it seep down the sides. This will ensure during baking that the pasta gets cooked through and that the edges don't end up too crunchy or burnt.
   
   
5. Bake in a preheated 350 degree (175 degree C) oven for 45 minutes until heated through and browned and bubbly on top.  Remove from oven and let stand 10 to 15 minutes before serving.

I enjoyed this Alfresagna greatly and it hit the spot in terms of comfort food for a crappy day. I hope it might bring you comfort someday if you need it! Happy Cooking!