a) Eating Spaghetti and Meat Sauce for breakfast, with accompanying garlic bread (with cheese, of course).
b) Breaking into a bottle of Pure Unsweetened (Still fruit sugar laden) Apple Juice after not having any for months.
c) Using a spoon to polish off the rest of the Liberte Mediterranee Lemon Yogurt (full fat) straight out of the tub.
d) Enjoying a lunch of Spaghetti sauteed in butter and a thin film of Cheez Whiz.
e) All of the above.
If you answered e) All of the above, you are likely having a bad day, or at least eating somewhat emotionally for some reason. You might be like me, still sitting at home on your couch in grungy pajamas, with frizzy hair, vowing not to get ready for work until the last possible second, and generally not feeling well mentally physically or emotionally.
I have fallen prey to my own blueness. Emotional eating is bad. And a lot of people do it. Some of us even do it without realizing. I do sometimes. Definitely today.
I also excuse away the things I eat. For example- I didn't want to dirty dishes cooking anything, so I microwaved the spaghetti and meat sauce in their original container. The fruit juice is all natural and will count as my fruit servings for the day. The yogurt would have gone bad in a few days anyway if I didn't eat it. And there was only enough spaghetti left for one more serving, so I may as well eat it for lunch instead of coming up with something new, and I measured out a 'precise' gob of cheez whiz that was about 2 tablespoons, so that's not too bad, right?
I am not certain of how we start emotionally eating. I think it comes from a variety of different experiences that we have, and it is probably different for many people. I certainly know that it is hard to stop when you are in a pattern of it. But I also know that some of my love for food is lost when you are eating it to feel like you are enjoying something in a time of hardship or stress. Because the reality is that just eating itself will not give you permanent solace from your problems, until you eat yourself into an early grave. And that is not for me. I want to love my food. I want my food to make me happy just because it's tasty and nutritious and eaten with good company. I don't want my food to be a mask or a divider that I use to put space between me and my problems. The question is how to stop looking for the immediate satisfaction/distraction/false pleasure when feeling down. Does anybody have any willpower seeds I can plant?
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
I had an internal rampage yesterday.
Okay, so for weeks as I finished the 3rd cycle of the 17 day diet I have been feeling crappy. I know the book says that weight loss will slow down, but for me it was like being in an ocean with heavy waves. My weight went up and down and up and down and never really went anywhere at all that made me happy. Each time more weight crashed down on my head I was super discouraged and grumpy and I had NO desire to write about it, so I didn't. Every time the scale showed a loss I simply thought "but I already lost this weight and gained it back, so losing it again isn't really an accomplishment."
It was my birthday this past weekend and I officially finished the 3rd cycle of the diet on Thursday, so I celebrated. By eating. A lot. A lot a lot. There was a Thai feast with more dishes than I need to remember, chocolate birthday cake with peanut butter frosting (no healthy substitutions!), beer, martinis, garlic fingers with cheese, a deluxe donair, donair egg rolls, fried chicken, french fries, broccoli cheese bites, breakfast (eggs, sausage, toast AND hashbrowns), and probably some other stuff too. Now, I did try to only over-indulge for one meal each day, so all of this food was spread out over a considerable amount of time... But today I am finding myself not feeling well. I didnt sleep well last night, had nightmares, and today I feel gross and sicky. I am blaming my flu shot and my doctor, but I also know in the back of my mind (where I sometimes lock my rationality in a closet and lose the key) that I haven't been eating right and that is adding to the ickyness of the day. So, I need to drink more water (this will help with the pounding headache) and eat more veggies and fruits. Less carbs too, but mostly I NEED to get off the sugar. I know that's why my stomach is stuck between starving and nauseated today.
I also realized that outlets are good, and this blog is my outlet. Why have I stopped writing this stuff out? It helps me stay motivated! I can't hold it all in and beat myself up about it because that's not how I'm going to lose the next 23 pounds. It might be how I end up sitting on the couch eating ice cream by the pint, swizzling seven up and sucking the filling out of chocolate truffles.
Yesterday I went to my doctor for a checkup. The last time I was there I explained to my doctor how I was losing weight and eating right and exercising. I was hoping that I would soon be able to stop taking my cholesterol/triglycerides medicine. So she sent me for blood work and we talked about a few other concerns I had. SO yesterday when I go in, I expect to get an exam, and then to be sent for the appointment I talked about the last time, and to be told that my levels were down enough to reduce or discontinue my cholesterol meds. Oh how wrong I was....
Firstly, my doctor told me yesterday that a year ago, she only said she would send me for a one year checkup with a specialist so that it would reassure me and that she now thinks it would be an unnecessary burden on the medical system, despite the fact that I still have concerns about my health. I have been told to monitor the problem on my own time and go back to her in six months if there were any changes....
Secondly, she said that my bad cholesterol was down low, but my good cholesterol is not high enough and my triglycerides are still high enough that I have to stay on the medicine. THEN she told me the best way to lower it was through weight loss. And I was like "I've lost 23 pounds and I'm still going." Her response was to shrug her head, half roll her eyes and say "well it's good that you're trying, but...." It was a slap in the face. It was like busting my ass to lose 23 pounds was not really trying at all. It was like she thought I was lying (seeing as how she's never weighed me, EVER, I suppose I could be... ).
She said that I should take an Omega 3 supplement and she should probably increase my dosage or give me an additional prescription to take. Well thanks lady but the pills I'm on now are expensive enough. How about I take the Omega supplement or eat more flax, and you give me three more months to lose more weight and lower it myself? This we agreed on, thankfully. I hate taking pills.
I am going to take the rest of the week off from counting every thing that I eat and just enjoy healthy eating but happy eating. Moderation and low sugar will be my friend. This weekend I am going away and I am going to enjoy myself without going too far overboard at the Chinese Buffet. And next week I plan to restart the diet at a weird place between the first and second cycle and see where it gets me. That's my plan for now...
It was my birthday this past weekend and I officially finished the 3rd cycle of the diet on Thursday, so I celebrated. By eating. A lot. A lot a lot. There was a Thai feast with more dishes than I need to remember, chocolate birthday cake with peanut butter frosting (no healthy substitutions!), beer, martinis, garlic fingers with cheese, a deluxe donair, donair egg rolls, fried chicken, french fries, broccoli cheese bites, breakfast (eggs, sausage, toast AND hashbrowns), and probably some other stuff too. Now, I did try to only over-indulge for one meal each day, so all of this food was spread out over a considerable amount of time... But today I am finding myself not feeling well. I didnt sleep well last night, had nightmares, and today I feel gross and sicky. I am blaming my flu shot and my doctor, but I also know in the back of my mind (where I sometimes lock my rationality in a closet and lose the key) that I haven't been eating right and that is adding to the ickyness of the day. So, I need to drink more water (this will help with the pounding headache) and eat more veggies and fruits. Less carbs too, but mostly I NEED to get off the sugar. I know that's why my stomach is stuck between starving and nauseated today.
I also realized that outlets are good, and this blog is my outlet. Why have I stopped writing this stuff out? It helps me stay motivated! I can't hold it all in and beat myself up about it because that's not how I'm going to lose the next 23 pounds. It might be how I end up sitting on the couch eating ice cream by the pint, swizzling seven up and sucking the filling out of chocolate truffles.
Yesterday I went to my doctor for a checkup. The last time I was there I explained to my doctor how I was losing weight and eating right and exercising. I was hoping that I would soon be able to stop taking my cholesterol/triglycerides medicine. So she sent me for blood work and we talked about a few other concerns I had. SO yesterday when I go in, I expect to get an exam, and then to be sent for the appointment I talked about the last time, and to be told that my levels were down enough to reduce or discontinue my cholesterol meds. Oh how wrong I was....
Firstly, my doctor told me yesterday that a year ago, she only said she would send me for a one year checkup with a specialist so that it would reassure me and that she now thinks it would be an unnecessary burden on the medical system, despite the fact that I still have concerns about my health. I have been told to monitor the problem on my own time and go back to her in six months if there were any changes....
Secondly, she said that my bad cholesterol was down low, but my good cholesterol is not high enough and my triglycerides are still high enough that I have to stay on the medicine. THEN she told me the best way to lower it was through weight loss. And I was like "I've lost 23 pounds and I'm still going." Her response was to shrug her head, half roll her eyes and say "well it's good that you're trying, but...." It was a slap in the face. It was like busting my ass to lose 23 pounds was not really trying at all. It was like she thought I was lying (seeing as how she's never weighed me, EVER, I suppose I could be... ).
She said that I should take an Omega 3 supplement and she should probably increase my dosage or give me an additional prescription to take. Well thanks lady but the pills I'm on now are expensive enough. How about I take the Omega supplement or eat more flax, and you give me three more months to lose more weight and lower it myself? This we agreed on, thankfully. I hate taking pills.
I am going to take the rest of the week off from counting every thing that I eat and just enjoy healthy eating but happy eating. Moderation and low sugar will be my friend. This weekend I am going away and I am going to enjoy myself without going too far overboard at the Chinese Buffet. And next week I plan to restart the diet at a weird place between the first and second cycle and see where it gets me. That's my plan for now...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)